Righttrack Whispers: Connecting with People

by Steve McManus

As human beings we are social animals, choosing to live within societal groups. However, are we really connecting with people and maximising our relationship potential?

I used to work in a large office block with near on 1,000 other people. It used to both amaze and entertain me that some people would see me in the car park every single weekday, month in, month out and still not even register my existence with a smile, a 'Hi' or even a 'get out of my way!' Being the sort of individual I am, it became a sport to extract some form of interaction from them.

From a business perspective the ability to quickly connect with our colleagues and customers is clearly advantageous and I don't believe this means being a phoney. We have all come across the slick salesperson, with the panache and polished smile that has been too overused to still look genuine. In fact it is completely the opposite; it is about showing the true you and allowing genuine connections to develop. I believe that all relationships are either coming together and strengthening in their connection or moving apart. So how can we help ourselves to make those connections? Well there are several stages to developing strong relationships:

I see you: firstly we need to make it clear that the other person exists.

You make sense: the next stage is to show that you have an interest in understanding their thoughts, views or stand points. This involves us asking questions to discover their perspective and giving recognition to the other person’s agenda.

I make sense to you: we are able to share our thoughts, views and beliefs with the other person and be given ‘air time’ and equal consideration.

We explore our sense: as the relationship builds and strengthens we are able to share and explore our view points, we may not agree on everything, but are happy to engage in open dialogue and prepared to be influenced.

It all sound pretty obvious and linear doesn't it. Yet how often do we not move from the first stage of even giving recognition to the other person, after all we are all busy. All too often building relationships doesn't necessarily look very productive; isn’t having a chat just wasting time?!

This issue is at the heart of all teams and something that needs to be considered by leaders in all organisations.

If you are still unsure consider these facts:

People are the largest single cost in most businesses
The average leader spends over ¾ of their time working with people
The largest and most valuable assets an organisation has is its people
All plans are delivered by people and their success or failure is dependant on this

Leaders need to lead the way, develop relationships with people and allow their teams to do the same. So, next time you find yourself walking across the car park, head down and deep in thought, think of the impact and opportunities you may be missing.

On a practical note; we can all develop more meaningful relationships with people if we consider the following tips:

Project yourself as friendly, open and accessible
Listen more, talk less
Ask for other peoples point of views and perspectives
Show respect to other people
Make a point of maintaining your relationships – not just when you need them
Offer to help
Continue to practice your people skills
Be honest with people
Project the positive you